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原创 王琼输出的力量
——1——
魔鬼都藏在细节里
我们为商务英语写作搭建了结构，有了思考的输入和雏形框架，现在要做的是整顿语言、语法，乃至文化方面的老大难问题。
魔鬼都藏在细节里。对于商务英语写作中失误的例子以及他人的反馈和点评让我们看到：
从小处说，作者不仔细；
从大处看，公司不靠谱，因为有不靠谱的人。
我一共总结了十个敌人，属于商务英语写作中常见的错误。熟悉、了解这些敌人有助于我们迅速掌握英语语法和文化的特点，从而让我们的写作更加规范。
具体来讲，十个敌人是：
Long sentences：长句的错误；
Incomplete sentences：句子不完整；
Wordy expressions：表达冗余；
Misused/misspelled words：错用词汇，拼错单词；
Non-parallel expressions：句子结构不平行；
Subject-verb disagreement/Plurals：主谓不一致/复数表达错误；
Pronoun errors：代词使用错误；
Incorrect spelling of numbers：数字拼写错误；
Capitalization errors：大小写错误；
Punctuation, tense, tone and style errors：标点符号、时态、语气、风格运用不恰当的错误。
——2——
攻克十个敌人
我们一个一个来看：
Enemy #1: Lengthy Sentences
长句的错误：英语的句子重视衔接，不能随便两三个简单句放在一起，用逗号连接，而是需要用连接词。
1）Comma fault: 逗号误用。
例如：
The sales manager had an emergency, the meeting was canceled.
应改为：
The sales manager had an emergency, and the meeting was canceled.或
As the sales manager had an emergency, the meeting was canceled.
2）Run-on sentence：连写句，一“逗”到底，没有关联词。
例如：
The company was established in 1891, the business scope is electronic appliances, it has more than 265,000 employees all over the world.
应改为：
Established in 1891 and with total employees of more than 265,000 worldwide, the company has developed its business scopes in electronic appliances successfully.
再举例来看：
1) I hope I can prepare the documents more official and professional and more persuasive, this is what I concern in writing.
2) For reports, write clear, complete, relevant explanations.
这些句子都违反了以上英语写作的要求。
Enemy #2: Sentence Fragment
句子不完整：只有从句没有主句的句式都是不完整的。
1) Because the company is willing to spend a lot of money on new equipment. 这句话应补充完整：“......we can sell the top-tier machines to them.”
2) In which you put the sales meeting minutes. 建议改为：Where is the folder in which……
3) Looking out of the window, a plane is flying by. 这句话的分词伴随结构和主句的动作发出者不一致，在英语语法上被称为：悬垂指示。我们可以修改为：Looking out of the window, I see a plane is flying by.
再举例来看：
So, my concerns is that how to write some good business letter, technical specification, contract draft, etc. Which aspect of writing I will pay attention to.其它的错误暂且不谈，像 “which”引导的应该是一个从句，不能单独成为一个主句。
Enemy #3: Wordy Expressions
表达冗余
Wordiness Concise
At a later date later
At the present time, at this moment now，presently
By means of by
For the purpose of to
Forward by mail send
In possession of have
In a position to able
In connection with about
On behalf of for
Place emphasis on emphasize
Send an answer answer
Until such time as you can until you can
Customary practice, habitual practice practice
Past experience，end result, down below experience；end/result；down/below
以上左边的表达都有这些特点：
Less economical，不够简练
Redundant，冗余
Bureaucratic，官僚文风严重
Aristocratic，语气贵族气质浓郁，守旧陈腐
Oral and speech oriented，在口语中使用居多，比较正式
所以我们鼓励多用右边的表达，再举例来看：
1) Due to the fact we are not working on May Day, we may put the meeting off till next Tuesday.
建议改为：As we are not working......
2) Until such time as my boss can give me specific instructions, I will not forward you by mail the price list.
建议改为：Until my boss can......, I will not sent you......
Enemy #4:Spelling Errors
容易用错或者拼错的单词: 你能识别哪个是正确的吗？
absence absense
accomodate accommodate
acheive achieve
arguement argument
recommend reccommend
bulletin bulettin
category catagory
changeable changable
再举例来看：
as we sait in front of the office desk
such enport and export item
I think It is quite inportant for me
For my personal felling, if we want to …
Know how to wild the structure of …
Five years in information and technilogy and ……
最后一句是在一份简历中出现的错误，这可实在不应该。居然有一位公司高层在演讲中调侃，他看到过求职者的简历，标题大书两个字“病例”——实际上应该是履历。在人生最重要的文件上都出现如此重大的错误，那公司还敢把什么事情交付给他们去做呢？落笔无悔，白纸黑字都记录下我们的细节和态度。
Enemy #5: Non-parallel Structure
非平行结构：没有把结构相同、意义相关的单词、短语和分句排列在一个或几个相连的句子里。
1) Although the product seems appealing, the company has to consider the specific service capacities, the delivery, and what is the terms of payment.
改为：terms of payment
2) The new secretary’s duties are filing, typing, taking phone calls and to make meeting arrangements.
改为：making meeting arrangements
3) I like his bravery, her (his or 去除) positive outlook on life and that he is careful about details.
改为：his carefulness about details.
Enemy #6: Subject and Verb Disagreement
主谓不一致/复数表达错误
1) A selection of her poems(was) published.
was, were
2) To the analyst a knowledge of statistics (is) important.
is, are
3) Forty percent of the statistics (are) wrong.
is, are
4) Which of the two proposals (has) been accepted.
has, have
5) Two of the proposals submitted (have) been accepted.
has, have
7) She is one of the three youths who (are) coming to the school.
is, are
中文多为性质描述，没有格数的变化，所以中国同事写出的英文句子里对复数的表达有时不够准确。
再举例来看：
There should be some different tone when you write to different level.
For example, when we figure out the faulty point…
I frequently contact my customer and subcontractor via E-mail, letter or fax…
We should do more exercise and read some good reference material.
这些句子里很多错误都因为没有正确使用单复数。
Enemy #7: Pronoun Faults
代词使用错误：英语代词的目的是指代名词，尤其是前面出现过的名词，从而使语域更加宽广丰富，避免重复。
1) No one knows his/her own future.
在本句中，当我们不知道主语的性别的时候，稳妥而正确的用法是his/her。
2) Anyone can make it if s/he tries.
现在的商务英语强调避免歧视，所以男女都应该包括。
3) Each of us should write on his/her own.
4) Everyone should mind his/her own business.
5) The rich cannot buy their way to happiness.
their, his, his/her
"The"后面接形容词，表示一群人。
6) Either Mr. Wang or Ms. Zhou can take her holiday next week.
his, her, their
就近原则。
7) Neither the director of the security nor the guards admit their mistake.
his, their
就近原则。
8) Tom, with his whole family, is going to visit his summer cottage.
his, their
主语是Tom，后面的代词与主语一致，所以用his。
Enemy #8:Rules for Spelling Numbers
商务英语写作中还应该注意数字的写法，以下的规则中我们应特别注意第2、3条，其他几条仅供参考，因为它们都是非常正式的商业英语建议的写法，也许在有的公司会被认为过度正式了。
1) Numbers less than a hundred should be spelled out.
2) Numbers at the beginning of a sentence must be spelled out.
3) Two numbers following each other must be spelled out one of them.
4) Ordinal numbers must be spelled out.
5) Hours without minutes must be spelled out.
6) Fractions must be spelled out unless in tables and graphics.
举例来看：
1) There are ( ) copies.
89 eighty-nine
两者均可。
2) One hundred and twenty-three employees attended the meeting.
123 One hundred and twenty-three
一般阿拉伯数字尽量不要放在开头，避免和前面的信息粘连，引发误解。
3) I’d like thirty 20-bottle boxes.
30 20-bottle, thirty 20-bottle
两个数字相邻，其中一个表示量词，那么应该有其中一个数字要被拼写出来，避免误解。
4) Welcome to the ( ) anniversary celebration.
20th , twentieth
两者均可。
5) There are ten 5-digit numbers in this line.
10, ten
两个数字相连，其中一个表示量级，需要拼写出来。
Enemy #9: Capitalization 大写的注意事项
举例来看：
1) Proper names, titles, positions：
专有名词、职称、机构和部门要大写，如：
US President Bill Clinton, Prime Minister Tony Blair, Professor Wang, Dr. King, the Production Department, R&D...
2）Languages, races and ethnic groups：
语言、种族、民族要大写，如：
Chinese, English, American English, British English, French, the Black, the Asians, the Africans, the Arabs...
3）Geographical names and terms：
地理名词、术语要大写，如：
New York, London, Beijing, The Great Wall, the Wall Street, the Broadway…
4）Sums of money in legal documents：
在法律文件中，钱款要大写，如：
Two thousand three hundred and sixty US Dollars
5）Book titles and news headings：
书名和新闻标题要大写，如：
War and Peace, A Handbook of Business Writing, Just Do It! (Nike) The Star War
6）Prepositions or pronouns of three or fewer letters are not capitalized unless they begin the title：
介词、代词（小于三个字母的）且不在句首的不大写，如：
A Trip Report to Shanghai About the Joint Venture Negotiation
Alice in Wonderland
Enemy #10: Punctuation, tense, tone and style 标点符号
1) Commas:
to separate items in a series
to separate main clauses joined by conjunctions
to separate parenthetical expressions
to separate interjections
逗号可以切分意群，表示停顿。它可以用在并列的一系列事物，可以用在直接引语中，用以划分主句和从句，也可以表示插入成分等等。
2) Semicolons: to separate clauses
分号用于分开从句。
3) Colons: to introduce a list, long quotation or speech
冒号表示罗列一个清单，或者较长的引语及讲话内容。
4) Quotation marks: to quote someone’s words from a book
引号表示引用的话语。
5）Apostrophes: to show possession with nouns
所有格号表示名词所属的对象，如： Joanna’s book, David’s car
下面这段话里，我把大小写和标点符号的使用都标注出来。
While this morning’s China Daily reported that the Sino-European talks went well, the Wall Street Journal was not as optimistic. The paper said, "An agreement in principle was established but enforcement of such an agreement may prove difficult. The agreement is just a first step in a series of measures to protect intellectual property."
——3——
额外注意事项
此外，我们还需注意：
1) 时态：英语有十六个时态，以动词、助动词的形态变化表示，而中文没有时态变化，都是通过时间状语表达事情发生的时间。
We discussed at yesterday’s meeting that we would launch the new sales promotion soon.
At 3 p.m. next Monday afternoon, we will be holding business negotiations with our counterpart from Swiss.
We have been working on the plan for three years and it goes on pretty well.
举例来看，下面这些学员所写的句子里都时态的错误。
Grammar is another problem for me. So I thought maybe I could study some writing format in business.
We discussed that we will create more Industrial architectures
I told you tomorrow she has come to visit.
Our R&D center had innovated the system.
2) 写作风格：商务英语写作要注意得体有效、专业准确、简洁炼达。
Be formal or semi-formal but business appropriate; 表达正式或半正式，符合商务语域
Be polite; 礼貌、谦和、有理有力有节
Be calm; 风格稳健
Try to avoid jargons; 尽量避免术语、行话以及缩写
Try to sound constructive and positive; 语气表达积极正向，以解决问题为主而不是指责或推诿
Try to build up efficiency and effectiveness; 多以效率和效果衡量写作的质量
Use “we” instead of “I” 在可能的场合下，多用“ we”或“you”, 有读者视角，而不是只用“I”, “我觉得，我认为应该如何……”
举例来看，这些表达都不符合商务英语写作的专业水准和要求：
You don’t contact often.
指责别人，自然也会受到别人的反驳。
Pls resp. asap.
对上级或对外部读者不鼓励用缩写，它们显得不够正式或不够尊重。
I wrote you a request letter on 02/03/12
时间的写法不清楚，究竟是02年3月12日？还是12年2月3日？亦或是12年3月2日？给读者造成阅读困扰的都应该由作者进行调整。
英国哲学家、文学家、政治家弗朗西斯·培根曾说: “Writing makes an exact man.”——写作使人精准。我希望通过了解并攻克十个商务英语写作中的敌人，使你的写作干净高效，专业炼达，成就有益的职场交流。让笔胜于剑，落笔无悔！
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王琼工作室 输出的力量
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发表于 2022-12-3 19:24:11