商务英语写作实战：增强说服力

乐高可可

原创 王琼输出的力量
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推荐一个小模型
商务英语写作说白了可能有两个核心目的：一是“给”，给信息、说问题、讲情况；二是“要”，要行动、要支持、要资源、要配合。为了“给和要”，本质是如何通过外挂的嘴——一支笔、一个键盘，展示自己的影响力。
我推荐一个说服的技巧FAB法——对于读者所能带来的价值才有说服力和影响力。它代表了：
Feature：特征；
Advantage：优点；
Benefit：对于客户（读者）明确表示的具体需求所带来的利益点。
我们在培训中曾经玩过一个游戏，让学员在教室里兜售水笔，应用FAB的技巧。
F：这是一支深蓝色水笔，有笔帽，笔杆是圆柱形的，笔尖粗6毫米，是XX公司的品质出品。
A：这支水笔写在白纸上非常清晰显眼。笔帽盖上能防止水笔挥发，同时不让墨水沾到裙子或者西装上，上面的logo和生产地让人对质量放心。
B：Joanna，您是一位培训师，是否需要一些蓝色的水笔写在白板纸上，记录学员的回答或提示重要知识点？有时您们培训师正装出席培训，如果有这样的水笔不漏水，不会在印染到衣服上，你会不会考虑储备一些这杨的水笔呢？你看，画面感如此鲜活，需求解读特别具体，联系紧密，让人不买都不行。
FAB的例子还有很多。然而，我们在写邮件时，大量提供的都是信息或者“Feature”；当然，我们也会写优点，但是这些“Advantage”对于读者关心的利益如果没有穿透力，那也没有影响力。所以他们想要什么？关心什么？我们可以用之前的SCQA、六帽、SWOT等工具去分析优点、价值和给予的具体而明晰的利益。
具体怎么写呢？
首先，我推荐一个公式：


其次，我们不妨多思考，Why me？Why you？Why this？ 为啥是我和你？要做的事对您的价值是什么？
对比以下的五组句子，你觉得哪一个更有说服力？
1 a. This computer has a quiet modem.
1 b. Because this computer has a quiet modem, you may speak in your normal voice while using it.
2 a. The office has many windows.
2 b.  Many windows in this office will give you more daylight and a beautiful view.
3 a. Fill out the forms, as we need them to make reservations.
3 b. If you fill out these forms as soon as possible, we can make reservations for you without delay.
4 a. This pager has two "notification of call" features: vibration or beeping.
4 b. Our new device has two ways to notify you that you have a call: beeping or vibrating. With the vibration feature, you can now carry your pager anywhere and not be a disturbance to other people.  
5 a. Our services are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
5 b. Whenever you have a question or need our assistance, we are there to help you- 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  
显然都是B选项。
为什么？因为第二句多用“你”，减少“我“；多用对读者的价值线索和细节思考搭建起来利益的关联，这样才会更有说服力。
通过对每组句子里的两个选项对比，我们可以看出FAB的痕迹。
“Advantage”是优点，“Benefit”是利益点，区别在于，一个是对所有人的隐含需求或假设需求；而另一个是对某一个人或特定人群的明确需求。
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案例对比
再对比以下这两封邮件，哪一个更有说服力呢？
Letter A
Dear Sir:
Subject: Printer 420
Our department has not been able to keep up with customer requests. This is due to continual problems with the copier. Every time we need to produce large proposals, we spend too much time collating and stapling these documents by hand.
Recently I saw a demonstration of a Printer 420 copier. This copier has very advanced features, including collation and stapling. It collates as many as thirty pages at one time. It also accepts many different types and sizes of paper which cannot be used in our current copier. Currently we must go to the local vendor for large copies.
The price of the copier is $4,850, which includes an installation fee of $840. This might sound like a high price, but I think it will improve productivity in the long run.
Letter B
Dear Sir or Madam:
Subject: Recommendation to Improve Productivity with Printer 420 Copier
After a recent demonstration of the Printer 420, I am convinced this copier will improve our department’s productivity by:
lAutomatically collating as many as thirty pages at one time.
lAutomatically stapling documents.
lPrinting on a wide variety of paper types and sizes.
Currently we are doing much of this work manually. These automatic functions will help us to spend more time focusing on customer requests. Because we will be able to print on different sizes and types of paper, we can eliminate costly trips to the local printer. With this Printer 420, we can produce quick, professionally printed customer information from our offices.
The price of the copier is $4,850, which includes an installation fee of $840. In my opinion the benefits to our department will outweigh the cost. Therefore, I recommend we sign a purchase requisition as soon as possible.
Which letter is better?
Reasons are as follows:
1._____________________________________________________
2._____________________________________________________
3._____________________________________________________
4._____________________________________________________
对比下来，邮件B的说服力更加突出。原因有几个：

比较选项	第一封邮件	第二封邮件
称谓是否有读者意识	Dear Sir从商业角度不正确。	Dear Sir or Madam 更符合商务场景，男女平等。
2. 事由	主题句简陋不够完整。	Recommendation to Improve Productivity with Printer 420 Copier主题句意义完整且目的明晰又概括了核心内容。
3. 第一段表达优势	一开头是负面信息，让人情绪低落，有指责抱怨的语气。	一开头积极向上，开宗明义地表明目的：推荐一款新的打印机。然后快速推进，给出: Feature, Advantage。
4. FAB说服力	混杂在一起表述FAB不清晰也不易阅读。	以图标表示出F, A，再用一段话发展B。先说明本部门的具体需求，再结合打印机的优点，组合成对于本部门的Benefit，有理有利，说服力强，结构框架有系统、有条理，清楚炼达。
5. 结果号召	比较了打印机本身的价格和安装费，但戛然而止，是否行动，是否采购的表达含糊其辞，虽然说了：长期来看会推进部门的生产力。但是有一层窗户纸就是不捅破——是否采购没有明说。作者会委屈地说，“我”说了那么多，“你”怎么就不明白呢？而商务英语写作的目的之一就是提出结论，表述建议，承担责任。这封信似乎有躲避责任之嫌。	通过比较价格，作者有信心地表达出自己的建议：收益要大于成本，所以建议尽快采购。窗户纸也捅破了。I recommend...言之凿凿，敢于担当。

你看，我们每个人每天所写的东西不在少数，为什么有的有结果，有的会受冷遇？商务英语写作就是通过书面交流“给”或者“要”，“给”是为了能要回来结果。怎么做到呢？那就要有说服力？“说”的部分由“我”做主，“服”的部分由“你”掌握，是否明了、是否认同、是否接受、是否配合——都在于“你”，而“我”和“你”的互动是笔尖流动的特点、好处、利益！所以FAB是一个重要的说服技巧。说服，就是从“给”到“要”：给信息、给好处、给利益，才能要行动、要结果，才能得体有力，共赢价值。
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